Politicians Move to Rearrange Seasons

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Americans, prepare for summer vacation in March. Thanks to a few persistent politicians, the U.S. House of Representatives will vote this week on a proposal that could rearrange the current order of the seasons.

Representative Tom Shankel (D-NH 34th) is at the forefront of this debate, which has been gaining steam in recent months as global warming becomes more prominent. Shankel submitted a new order for the seasons, which features summer immediately following winter. Shankel says, "After these brutal winters in New Hampshire, I'm ready to hit the water park. If I get my way, when that groundhog doesn't see his shadow in February, I can start looking for some new swim trunks."

Shankel's radical ideas have drawn outrage from the Seasonal Traditionalists, a non-profit group based in Sterling, Virginia. Cedric Oleman, spokesperson for the Traditionalists, disagrees with the need to transform Mother Nature's work. On the steps of Capitol Hill Wednesday, Oleman said, "It makes sense for summer to follow the spring! This is a typical misappropriation of funds and time by the government." Oleman then had to cut short his interview in order to file his group's grant request in a timely manner.

Republican Burt Boucheman of Michigan is also in support of rearranging the seasons, but submitted his own proposal. "Summer in June, July, and August is an American institution! My esteemed colleague Tom Shankel would like to have us enjoying fireworks while raking leaves in the fall. I propose we keep summer in the summer! And while we're doing that, why not switch winter and fall? What harm could it do?"